I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
