So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
