shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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