Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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