Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
