I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
