just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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