PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
