omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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