You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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