If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
