Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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