if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
