Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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