the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
