just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize