I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
