She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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