id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
