are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
