i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
