Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
