so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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