from now on my penis is your penis
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My balls are so social today.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
