i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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