he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
