Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
