we have pet lesbian snakes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize