In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
