did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
