oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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