Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize