we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
