Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
