Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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