what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I will be naked everywhere
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
