Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
