why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize