He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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