Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
