She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
