She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
