Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize