I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
