is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
