so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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