i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Two words: nipple clamps
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