one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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