I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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