I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
