Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I lost the right to judge tonight
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
