My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
