You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
