So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize