eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
