Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
