i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
