I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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