It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
