He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
