Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
