She is in my trunk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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