Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
