I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
