as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
