I will die if light touches me.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we should paint friendship bongs
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
