He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize