did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
