There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize